That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
