I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
