he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
