I need help removing her.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
