His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Everyone says I win the strip club
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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