While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
