His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
