can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
