Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
