if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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