so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
