I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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