i already hear my dad disowning me
Duck Duck Cougar?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
