You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So vagazzling was a success
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
