my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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