i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
