I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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