i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
