Christians are straight up FREAKS
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
