u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
