My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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