Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
