She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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