Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
