to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
