They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
