The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
