No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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