their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Even the bartender felt bad for me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
