so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
