How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
