like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
