I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
