I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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