My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i think i just lost a toe
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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