i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
