Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
