you guys were way drunker than both of me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
