i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think your dad took our porno
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
