3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Please don't give away my fajitas
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