Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
