Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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