Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
