just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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