I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she told me i tasted like america
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
