MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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