Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
