the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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