i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
