Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
