I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
