Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
