She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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