I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
