im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
